Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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