i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
