the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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