please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
