D3 body, D1 cock
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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