I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
