She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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