I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
