no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
