Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
