I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
