Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
