don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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