so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
