I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
