Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
