im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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