just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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