It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
