My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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