were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
