okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
