I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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