if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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