were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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