Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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