he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
