I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
