I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
