you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
