well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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