fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
