I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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