She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
