glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
