Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
