Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
