The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
