he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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