Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
