I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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