I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
