hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
