Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your cock deserves a montage
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize