Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
