I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well you can't waste a boner
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
