remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
