I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
