it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think my moral compass just broke
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
