12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
