When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
