I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize