That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
