Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
