girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
