just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
