Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
