he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You took a bar mat shot.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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