Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
