I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
