You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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