I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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